I have friends who are prayer warriors. You know the type I’m talking about, right? The kind who spend hours doing business with God, who pray all day in their heads. They believe there’s a spiritual battle going on, and they need to fight against it. I have deep respect but have to admit… I’m not one of them.
Prayer has always been hard for me. I once freaked out my youth pastor by telling him I felt like I was “talking to the air.” (And then spent ten years wondering why he didn’t like me?!) Do I believe in prayer? Sure. Do I believe God answers prayer? Yes and no. I believe He answers prayers that are in our best interest. The problem is not that I don’t believe in God or God’s ability to respond. I guess I just see myself as small and unimportant, one face out of billions. What could I possibly matter?
I cringe even as I say that, because I know it’s not true. Yeah, I’m small but to God I’m definitely not important. But I still feel like I’m “talking to the air” sometimes.
In my mind, I have an image of me. I’ll admit it’s about 40 pounds lighter. But I’m a woman of God, a woman of prayer, and I’m leading people closer to Jesus. As much as I long to be on a stage teaching people (and yet frightened of it, too), that’s not what I’m talking about. I have that glow. Have you ever met someone and you just knew they were a Christian? That’s what I want. I want that glow. I want the peace and joy of God all over my face. I want to look forward to prayer, even desire it,
I’m really tired of talking to the air.
I admire strong women with gentle spirits. My mentor, Shaunti, is one of them. My good friend Linda is one of them (though I sometimes pick on her for thinking up worst-case scenarios). Beth Moore is another. Dannah Gresh. Strong women, gentle spirits. That’s what I want. Where do I line up to get some of that?
How do I grasp the power of prayer and make it a part of my life that is more important than the air I breathe, or the water I drink? The clincher is, I can’t get that out of a book or by watching Beth Moore on TV. I can only get it on my knees.
Just me and the air… chatting up a storm.
Sometimes I pray… and I don’t expect an answer, and I wonder what point is it to even pray if you don’t believe your prayer will get answered? My cousin, Jay, has ALS. He’s a quadraplegic with a breathing tube. He’s not going to get better. Praying for his healing without ceasing… well, I’m not sure I can do that. I know he WILL be healed, in Heaven. But on earth, it won’t happen. Even if they found a cure for ALS tomorrow, it would be too late for Jay.
Just talking to the air.
Praying that my 14-year-old niece would make better choices for her life and stop going down a path of destruction. But we have free will, and nobody knows how to use it better than she does. God won’t reach down and stop her free will.
More air.
I’m tired of talking to the air.
God, help me understand prayer and desire it in my life. It’s the only prayer I can muster right now.
You’re not alone, Julie…you’re just being honest and transparent, which is one of the greatest things about you. I think we’ve ALL felt like we were “talking to the air” at some point. I think it’s like the Nike ad, though…you just have to DO it. I have prayer sessions that seem robotic and just dutiful…but then I’ll have one where I can unmistakably feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, and those are awesome. And of course, I don’t pray enough.
Anyway, thanks for being as real as you always are.
I have seen God answer so many prayers. Julie try to stop sending negativie words into your family situations. Why or How do you think Jay has been alive as long as he is? I know ALS isn’t pretty to look at, but look at the miracle God has provided with what has been going on. Your niesec freewill, can also be a result of just bad goal setting on her part. God hears God cares.
I’ve been reading your posts, I love your writing – I’m just sad that the posts stop before the illusive ‘Friday’ when you were going to be speaking on stage. I’d love to know how that went!
I totally understand where you’re coming from with the whole ‘talking into the air’ thing. I feel the same a lot of the time and I’m a pastor! It’s pretty hard to knuckle down to prayer when you feel like you look silly because you’re talking to someone you can’t see!
You’re right about not praying if you don’t believe that God will answer the bible is pretty clear that you should pray in faith – but here’s the thing, that doesn’t mean you should stop praying!
If you feel that your prayer is not going to be answered, you need to go back to basics and think about who you’re talking to. God is able to do anything. There is absolutely nothing that’s too difficult for Him. You’re right in saying He does what’s best but here’s the deal…. He loves to see how serious we can be about stuff. He loves to see whether or not we are serious enough to fast and pray, whether we’re serious enough to pray every day for a week… or a year… or a decade… or your life.
There’s no promise that the answer will change but there is the promise that He will recognize and be pleased with your faithfulness.
You don’t have to pray believing that He will… pray believing that He CAN and just ask him if he will…. or even pray believing that He will if it’s right and just ask Him if it’s right.
Jesus prayed ‘If there’s any way, please take this cup from me… yet not my will but yours be done’
He didn’t believe there was another way but he gave God the choice, if there is… please do it, if not I’ll accept whatever your will is.
Pray believing that He can and that He will if it’s right!
God bless you. Post again soon!
Peter