New Blog

I have a new blog, so this one will be neglected from now on. I didn’t want to pay to change my template when I could just do it for free over at Blogger, which is where I started.

Find me here:
Drink This Blog

Just Shoot Me

It started on Saturday.
I worked a full day at the store and by mid-afternoon started to feel all-over body aches and pains. It was severe. I even took a nap on my lunch break. Pain pills didn’t do the trick. I came home after work and collapsed in bed, and fought back the pain for the remainder of the night.

The next day…diarrhea. Sorry, folks. Sorry to have to drag you all kicking and screaming into my digestive malfunctions. There’s something wrong about saying and writing “diarrhea.” It sounds so disgusting I almost feel like it would be less sinful to just tap out the F-word, but I won’t. Anyway, back to the subject. It was bad – the kind of bad where you don’t want to sneeze, cough, or laugh for fear that you’ll… we’ll, you know. And that’s the state I was in until just today, actually. I’m finally able to eat real food and I’m beginning to feel human again.

The thing is, this is the third time in 2 months I’ve had this. The only common denominator I can figure out is that it always happened after working a full 8-hour shift at the store – a rarity for me. I’m typically there in 4-5 hour increments. I don’t know if that had anything to do with the illness itself, and my doctor sorta looked at me like I was crazy when I told him about it, but that’s the only similarity I can find. I sort of wondered if the food on the hot bar might be making me sick, since I almost always get my lunch from there when I work full shifts, but I’ve been told that food poisoning only lasts for 24 hours.

Regardless, the episode totally threw me off this week, and I have a hard time keeping all the balls in the air as it is. I excitedly signed up for a Thursday morning Beth Moore Bible study at my old church, but I have had to miss the majority of the sessions thus far. I am finally going back to seriously working on my book, but I’m so out of sorts, all of notes and info look more like someone took a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle and dumped it on my desk. It has been almost 4 years since my book came out. I feel like the cheerleader who breaks her leg, has to leave the squad, and when she comes back it’s all new girls. I’m out of the loop. And, yet, I’m really excited about getting back to work and making this thing a reality and not simply a topic of discussion.

I need an office. Not in this apartment complex.
I’m thinking that would help.

Off to the store I go. And I WON’T be hitting up the hot food bar!

The Only Holy Sex is Boring Sex

“Paul said preach the Gospel,” said Belew. “Talking about sex ain’t gonna get nobody to heaven.”

Please, oh PLEASE tell me someone else sees the irony in this!

Minimal Sympathy

SHOCKING! Soap star Deidre Hall may have to start living like a normal person!

(March 10) — According to court documents stemming from her divorce , former ‘Days of Our Lives’ actress Deidre Hall has seen her fortune dry up since being terminated from the show last year.

…RadarOnline, citing court documents, reports that Hall, who for more than two decades played Dr. Marlena Evans on the hit soap opera, has a shrinking bank account since her daytime TV departure. The reports cite her monthly income during that time as $28,000.

Deidre, honey, I feel you.
When I started working as a cashier my monthly income went from $30,000 to…um, well, slightly below that. It never did match the whopping salary I made during my lucrative career as a data entry clerk.

Can I make a suggestion? Cut back on the unnecessary luxuries you’ve come to know and love as a celebrity… like brand-name cola.

You’ll thank me for this one.

Helpful Parenting Tips

For all of you would-be moms and pops out there.

When It Rains

I started counseling today.
Again.
You know the old saying – thirteenth time’s a charm. No, I don’t actually know how many times I’ve gone through counseling, but I’ve done it several times. I see myself a lot like the 1989 Buick I drive – it keeps running as long as you do regular maintenance. I go through counseling, do really well on my own for a while, and then life comes along and boots me in the head, and I need help again.

It’s not the major stuff anymore. I don’t feel like I’m lamenting the sexual abuse or resenting my mother for drinking anymore. I feel like I’ve had all the “light bulb moments,” but there are things that rear their ugly heads from time to time, and I have to squash them before they become bonafide problems. I talk pretty openly about this, because I have a general disdain for people that pretend to have it all together, when in actuality they are struggling to keep their head above water. I’d rather be honest about who I am, flaws and all.

I’m also not planning to be in counseling for a long stretch of time, because I am finding that talking to God and staying in the Word on a regular basis does wonders for the soul. I suppose that’s why God tells us to do that, huh? I’ve lived most of my life viewing the Bible as a book of good suggestions. You know, like those ridiculous motivational posters you see in offices. But the Bible is a guidebook for living life. It tells you how to handle anger, disappointment, sadness, how to overcome the past. I’ve spent a lot of money on self-help books over the years, and some of them were very helpful, but they don’t compare to the Word of God.

So, my first session was today, and it was your typical first session – we went over the basics, where I come from, who I think I am (still working on that one), who I want to be, etc. With joy I talked about my dear husband and my good friends and how much they mean to me. This counseling is a good thing. Any time you get to strip away the scar tissue and reveal new flesh, it’s a good thing. God is really good at patchwork.

I made two coffee stops today – the first one at McDonald’s, where I also assaulted the dollar menu, as well as my arteries, the second one at Dunkin’ Donuts… my home away from home. By mid-afternoon, I was so caffeinated I could have pushed my car the rest of the way home. FYI – Dunkin’ has really good hash browns. Ya gotta try ‘em.

Shaunti is coming to town next week to do a book event in a nearby town, and she’s bringing my dear friend/coworker Linda with her. I have to say I’m pretty overwhelmed with excitement. I don’t get to see them very often. It is amazing to me how 3 people can have such a close friendship (and can work together) from hundreds of miles away. God is definitely in the mix. And in 6 years of knowing Shaunti and 2 years of working for her, this will be the first time I’ve ever heard her speak in person. I’ll be oozing pride from every orifice of my body. And, as always, I’ll be taking zillions of pictures.

Shaunti & Scotty Oct. ‘07

Me & Shaunti, Oct. 07

Divorce

There are few things married people can say to shock me. My husband and I have dealt with everything short of physical abuse – anger, resentment, bitterness, sexual problems, communication problems, and financial problems. We’ve been brought back from the brink of marital death more times than I care to count, and what it has taught me is that there is nothing a marriage can’t overcome with the help of a loving Father, and some old-fashion elbow grease. I know it may sound like I’m oversimplifying the problem, which is not my intent. I guess you could say I’ve made so many excuses in my life that it bugs the daylights out of me when I hear other people making them. I know how desperate people can get when they want to escape pain, because I’ve experienced it for myself.

I once saw divorce as a (sometimes) necessary evil. Marriage is about sacrifice and commitment and not about being happy all the time… but it’s not about being miserable, either, right? When your marriage is teetering on the edge of disaster and you’re so miserable you can barely live with yourself, then it’s OK to leave, isn’t it? I mean, God has to understand. God just wants us all to be happy, after all.

Here is what I’ve learned, the hard way.
1. Divorce is like putting a little bandaid on an enormous, gaping wound. Why? The assumption is that you will get divorced, leave the situation, and either live alone in peace, or (usually) find someone else to share your life with. Does it happen? Yes. All the time? Not hardly. You’ve heard the saying, “you can run, but you can’t hide,” right? What do we expect to accomplish by divorcing, other than doing simply that – running? If you leave a broken marriage behind you in a heap of dust, you’ve resolved nothing. You haven’t solved any problems, you haven’t learned how to deal with the relational issues involved, and apart from blatant abuse, you can never honestly blame the breakup on your spouse. It doesn’t work that way. It takes two to tango – even if you tango yourselves into a tree.

2. “God has given me peace about it.” Are you sure? Now, look, I’m not entirely refuting this and saying it never happens. There are legit reasons for divorcing…unfortunately, most people don’t get divorced for those reasons. They get divorced because a struggling marriage is painful and it’s easier to walk away. Before you declare that God has given you peace about a divorce, get real honest with yourself and think, OK, do I truly have biblical grounds for this divorce? Am I truly feeling God’s peace, or am I simply feeling relieved that the end is in sight? Get together with other people that are grounded in the Truth, and be honest with them. Get their godly perspective. You might be surprised what you find.

3. “For the sake of my kids, I have to get a divorce.” Don’t base your decision on something Oprah said, or even the short-term impact divorce will have on your children. Seek God’s counsel, not a TV shrink’s. And do some real research. Children of broken homes have far more issues than children from traditional families…even ones that have to fight hard to stay that way. What message do you want to send your kids? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again? Or, give up and run away from things that are too hard?

4. “My husband/wife refuses to do the things he/she needs to do in order to make this marriage work.” Over a year ago, I blogged about a Christian singer who had chosen divorce, and stated my (hopefully compassionate) disagreement with her choice. She read what I had written and responded to me, and we had a not-so-pleasant volley of e-mails between us. Anyway, she blamed most of the problems on her husband’s unwillingness to change. This, however, is a very basic tenet of faith. If we walk by faith, not by sight, then that means we live according to Truth and not according to what feels best. The Bible is very specific about telling us how to treat our spouse, and what kind of mate we are supposed to be. The fact that our mate does not follow the same guidelines does not give us the right to stop trying. Feelings follow actions. Did you catch that? FEELINGS FOLLOW ACTIONS. Our culture tries to convince us it’s the other way around, but it’s not. You act, then the feelings come. You respect, love, and encourage your mate, and deliberately focus on the positive vs. negative aspects of your spouse, and you see if it doesn’t bring forth positive change and renewed effort in your spouse.
Husbands, the Bible instructs you to love your wife as Christ loved the church. Christ’s love was unconditional, and it was not just an emotion – it was an action. Many times, the church did not deserve unconditional love, mercy, forgiveness, grace, or a second chance… but that was what Christ gave us. That is how we ought to be loving our husband/wife.

5. It’s not about being happy. Marriage isn’t always romantic, or fun. It’s hard work. Life gets in the way. You won’t always a feel burning passion for your mate. It’s a drag sometimes, but guess what? It’s for your own good. God is not as concerned about your happiness as He is about the state of your heart. If it takes rough seas to knock you out of the boat, expect a violent storm. If allowing a division between you and your mate is what it takes to make you focus on God first and foremost in your life and in your marriage, expect to be unpleasantly redirected. If you’re not walking with God, if God is not the center of your marriage, GOD WILL ALLOW UNHAPPINESS TO INFILTRATE YOUR LIFE IN AN EFFORT TO MOVE YOU FORWARD IN A RIGHT AND HOLY DIRECTION. IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS IN A SHAMBLES, IT’S BECAUSE THE ENEMY HAS MADE IT THAT WAY, AND THE ENEMY HAS MADE IT THAT WAY BECAUSE YOU LEFT THE DOOR OPEN AND UNGUARDED. IF GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT PERIOD IN YOUR MARRIAGE HOLDS THE POTENTIAL TO DRAW YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE CLOSER TO THE LORD, THEN DON’T BE SURPRISED IF IT HURTS FOR A WHILE! If you can learn a valuable lesson from pain, God will allow you to ENDURE pain!

We live in an “anything goes” culture. If it feels good, do it. If it doesn’t feel good, can it.
What kind of marriage are you in? One that runs on feeling and emotion instead of hard work and perseverance? Or are you willing to go all the way – regardless of how painful or how difficult – to have a marriage that is consecrated unto God, and set apart from the rest of the world?

Sometimes being an example for Christ means allowing people to watch you hurt, and being willing to accept inconvenient, godly instruction along the way.

Jesus With the Eyes of Fire

How do you picture Jesus?
I have always pictured him as kind, gentle, soft-spoken and loving. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. In fact, he’d probably baptize it. In my image of Christ, He never raises His voice and never utters a hurtful word. It’s a very childish, almost psychedelic view of Christ where the only things missing are cartoon butterflies and singing animals.

Don’t get me wrong – that Jesus very much exists, but it’s not the ONLY Jesus we encounter throughout our lives. If that Jesus were the only Jesus we had, there would be no spiritual growth or maturity, no standards to meet, and no rules to follow. We’d be a bunch of spiritual toddlers with no consequences beyond a hand slap, and no understanding of sin beyond daddy saying “no” when we reach for the hot burner on the stove.

I have been a Christian since I was 13 years old. I have very much been babied by the Lord. I have made the same mistakes over and over again, until they could no longer be called mistakes anymore. They became deliberate, willful disobedience based on a complete lack of trust in the Lord, and overall apathy. It is easier to wallow in your problems and failures, to be saturated in your pain rather than chase it away with the Word of God. “Resist the devil and he will flee from you” isn’t nearly as easy as just…giving in.

But after all of the hand slapping, tough talk, pep talks, and relatively punishment-free forgiveness, I was confronted by the Jesus with the eyes of fire. When you think about anybody having eyes like fire, you immediately think of evil, but this Jesus with the eyes of fire is anything but. If it sounds like an astoundingly fearsome version of Jesus Christ, you’re right; it is. It’s supposed to be. A lack of fear of the Lord is what creates apathy, and the deliberate, willful disobedience I mentioned earlier.

The Lord woke my husband up at 4:30 this morning and told him to write the following:

God wants us on fire for Him…NOW!
Don’t let petty arguments from Satan destroy what I have for you. How long will you be in the fire? Until you stand up for Me and shout my name from every rooftop! I am using you to show people my love and compassion. Only you can decide how long will you be in the fire. Come out of the fire! If you are battling things my Word says “prayer and fasting is the only way to remove the demons…” So, fast and when you get hungry read my Word until the shell is broken off you! There are people suffering right now because of your ignorance, let me use you!

He also showed me in a dream that we will be fed in our church when we let Him break down the walls of NONSENSE.

It started with my dear mentor confronting me about a particular sin in my life, and admonishing me that she felt like the Lord wanted me to know that the consequences were going to get worse and that I had enough spiritual wisdom and maturity to now make the right choices. I didn’t need to hold daddy’s hand crossing the street anymore, I knew to look both ways. I knew better than to get in a stranger’s van.

But if I decided to anyway, there would be consequences.
Definite, deep, painful, life-altering consequences that I could not run and hide from.
The realization of this made me angry. Even now, I cannot explain to you why, but I was filled with rage. I’ve always hated authority – that’s the only thing I can think of. Why would yielding to GOD’S authority be any different for me?

Then my husband got this message…
The cynic in me says, “Well, he must have been dreaming or something.” But the “letter” is so on target with what my mentor said…what I’ve been hearing God say in my spirit…if it doesn’t make me fear the Lord, nothing will.

There comes a time in our walk with God – if we haven’t been walking the way He wants us to – when His eyes turn to flames. There comes a time when He tells us, “I have gone over the same things with you over and over again. I will never leave you or forsake you, and I will never stop loving you. But you’ve got to make the decision NOW! Are you going to walk in my ways, or lay down and die? You are not at peace because you are pushing away the peace I give you! No, I will never pull my love away from you, but the consequences will be painful and lasting, and you will endure them until you accept my plan for your life, and understand that the only way to true freedom and healing is by FOLLOWING that plan!”

Guys, Jesus is relentless. Only a holy Lord could pursue you to the ends of the earth while never stripping you of your free will. Only Jesus can chase you down and make you face your disobedience while still allowing you to decide who is in control – you or Him.
There is no “because I said so” with Christ, and yet He will remove the things you’ve put between the two of you. If you’ve loved it more than God, kiss it goodbye.
Friendships will be splintered, jobs lost, prestige stripped away.
Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

And still we have a choice.
Stubbornness or obedience?

Personally, I’d rather give it all up for Christ than have Him take it all away.

Choose wisely. Trust me on this one.

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…Get Out of My Line

Hi.
My name is Julie.
I’m a grocery store cashier.
I’m not especially happy about it, but it’s a job, and a job was exactly what I needed when I first donned the black vest with the picture of the piggy on it and asked, “Do you have a discount gold card?”
There are a few things you customers don’t know about me.
In your mind, I am an unintelligent, uneducated moron who can’t get anything better than a grocery store job.
You don’t know that I got my first book contract when I was 25, or that I’ve written for magazines, or that I went to college, or got a nearly perfect score on the verbal part of my SAT’s. You don’t know that, on the side, I work as a proofreader and an editor, and being a cashier is “my other job.”
I’m not telling you this to brag, only to point out to you that I am NOT a moron.

I don’t mind when you decide you don’t want something. I can take it back.
I don’t mind when you write a check. I don’t even mind when you write out the whole thing, even after I tell you the little machine gadget will print it out for you.
Sometimes I say “Hello!” or ask you how you’re doing and you completely ignore me. Obnoxious, yes, but I can handle it.
It doesn’t bother me that much when I ask you if you would like to sign up for a rewards card, and you react like I’ve just invited you to an orgy.
I hate it when you want paper vs. plastic, but I do it without complaint.
It irritates me when you are an able-bodied person and yet you expect me to load your groceries into your cart, but I DO IT, because I’m nice.

I may be having the world’s crappiest day, and I will still be nice to you.
I’ll help you find something, do a price check, and if you’re elderly, I’ll do everything short of changing your diaper. I’m a nice person, easy to get along with, and I WANT TO HELP YOU. I like people.

But when you curse at me because I put too many cans of cat food in your bag – when I very deliberately try NOT to overload bags and make them too heavy – that’s different. My name is Julie. It is NOT “f**king ass.” Get it right. If I didn’t desperately need my job right now – because the economy sucks and I’m not getting hours at the “main job” (the one where I don’t have to deal with the general public – yay!), I would have spewed out one of the many clever comebacks I had brewing in my brain for the rest of the evening.

All I’m saying is, be nice to the dumb grocery store cashier, because you never know who might be the only person who knows CPR when you’ve been hit by a car, and you never know when that cashier might just be a writer who someday writes about what a complete nutcase you are…and earns money off of it.

And if you haven’t had a new hairstyle since 1983, you smell like you smoked an entire carton of cigarettes in the car on the way to the store, and you resemble a parolee from the local county prison, you might want to think long and hard about who is the “ass.” Hint: IT’S NOT ME.

Thanks, and have a great weekend.

‘Sup, 2009?

Welcome to the New Year. Was it good for you, too?
We spent New Year’s Eve laughing, eating, and playing Apples To Apples. (We also played an ill-fated round of Trivial Pursuit: Pop Culture Edition, but we won’t talk about that…) We rang in 2009 with sparkling apple cider and some intense prayer. We prayed a hedge of protection around my 17-year-old nephew, who is going into the Navy this summer, and my troubled 15-year-old niece, as well as Scott, whom you regular readers know has a number of health struggles.

I would say that Christmas 2008 was the best Christmas we ever had. Due to my employment status (or lack thereof) we spent a good 2 months worrying about not having enough money for Christmas, but, in the end, money and presents had almost nothing to do with it. Knowing that this was my nephew’s last Christmas before going into the military made it extra special, and the fact that we got to pray over him with so much intensity was a blessing. The kids have a psycho mother (diagnosed as such), and a recovering drug addict for a father. In a sense, we helped raise them. I know it sounds melodramatic, but we’re seriously going through some empty nest syndrome. We’ve had the kids every Christmas since we got married. The idea of one of them being far away is a little much for us to take in. Sometimes reality sucks.

The fog of bipolar appears to be clearing, at least for now, and for that I am grateful. The “friend situation” and the beauty of the holidays forced me to look around and see that I am lucky…fortunate…blessed to have friends that call me to the carpet when I misbehave. Nothing sucks like getting caught in sin, but… as Pastor Doug used to say, “Sometimes it’s good to get caught.” (And sometimes, I think, “What does he know?” But I gotta admit, he’s much wiser than I am.) I have a lot of friends, which is a major switch from how I grew up. I think I had two friends, maybe. To have a GROUP of people to choose from blows my mind. It’s a good thing. God is good.

I don’t really have any New Year resolutions, they’re more like life resolutions. Lose weight, have some breast reduction surgery (not kidding!), write another book or two or twelve, decide on a hair color, strengthen my faith, think of Jesus as soon as I pop out of bed, that sort of thing. You know…learn how to be a good friend, a devoted wife, content wherever I am, and thankful for everything I’ve got whether big or small.
Hmph. I’m not sure I could accomplish all of that in a year.

I always liked the line that Morgan Freeman (a.k.a “God”) said in the movie “Bruce Almighty”: “No matter how dirty something gets, you can always clean it right up.”
Well, Jesus can.

Here’s to a deep cleaning in 2009.